I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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