Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
