dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
