Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
