Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
