I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
