first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
