around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
