Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
