the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
im six kinds of drunk right now
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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