Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
