im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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