Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
