pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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