quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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