oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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