So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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