I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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