I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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