i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
