Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
