sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
