I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
