the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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