is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
