meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
is this the sara with the beer cane?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
