Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
