I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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