i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
