i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
