Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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