Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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