he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
