Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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