i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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