Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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