i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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