it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
