you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
