i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
