do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize