He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
So much rum. So many feels.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
