Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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