I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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