I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
