Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I have already put on my inside pants.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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