apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Mom said you looked used
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Randomize
