I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i was born a porn star she said
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize