she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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