How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Watching her eat just hurts me
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
