I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
