I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
