so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
