There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
