Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
