new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
