Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
