ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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