Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
