i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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