you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
im holly from the hills drunk
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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