Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
