I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
