Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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