Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
