Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
