woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
