I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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