Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
