now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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