words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
The uberlube is also flammable
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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