Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
